I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
