she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
