I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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