The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
