Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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