Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
wat bout pragnant strippers??
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
