I must be too annoying 4 u.
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Randomize
