I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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