we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
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