You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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