that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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