3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
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