kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
