I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
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