I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
