I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
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