Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
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