Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Randomize
