??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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