Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
