Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Randomize
