Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
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