i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
