its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Randomize
