he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
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