I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
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