I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
i need some magic done to my vagina
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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