i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
