She's never allowed to turn 21 again
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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