you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
