TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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