So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
