just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
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