tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
