I think my vagina is haunted
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.