It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
two words: eviction party
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.