Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Tumblr User Tells Story About A ‘Demon Gets Adopted By A Grandma’& It Needs To Be A F**king Movie
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
20+ Kids Who Probably Didn’t Mean To Draw Hardcore Porn
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?