I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.