Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
