please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
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