woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
