drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Randomize
