Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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