Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
