I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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