i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Randomize
