She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Randomize
