yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
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