I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Randomize