I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
A+ Viking dick
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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