and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
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