It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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