6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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