put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
