so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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