dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Randomize
