So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
