I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
