I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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