I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
