I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
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