Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Randomize
