She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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