We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I want to be your penis for a week.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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