I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Randomize
