found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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