what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
