Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
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