Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize
