he thought i was a dude.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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