Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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